oh fear is great fear is strong
it may stop us from doing what's right or to do what is wrong
it is fear that is the medium for the making of our personal hells
it is fear to us that serves as a force to compell
oh the ridicules things fear will make us believe
oh out of fear the things we do,escaping with self-reprieve
fear keeps us alert and keeps us alive but fear out ignorance is dangerous,fear out of hoplessness leads to desperation and untold chaos can by all means sprout from that.
courage and bravery meet fear in effect
but they have darksides
fear keeps us withen the law
bravery can allow anyone to do anything if they set there mind to it
legitamit or not.
such are the usual pros and cons of human heart and mind.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Nice! I really enjoyed it.
There's one main thing to correct; punctuation!
Remember to add your commas, periods, and if needed exclamation and question marks. I'd also like to add that your "monologue" (as you describe it) Isn't quite a "real monologue."
A monologue is a rather compact paragraph. You have to ask youself the following questions when writing a monologue: Who is the speaker? Who is the speaker talking to? And of course, What is the speaker talking about?
In your "monologue" you can't quite throughly answer these thee basic questions. And remember, PUT YOUR SENTENCES TOGETHER AND ADD PUNCTUATION!
Also, I encourage you to enter the Monologue Contest. In it, not only will you be able to show people your talent and perhaps win a reward, you will be able to get feedback and get it peer edited.
Link to Monologue Contest: topic22506.html
This is how I would format it if I were you:
Oh fear is great
Fear is strong
It may stop us from doing what's right
Or to do what is wrong
It is fear that is the medium for the making of our personal hells
It is fear to us that serves as a force to compel
Oh the ridicules things fear will make us believe
Oh out of fear the things we do,
Escaping with self-reprieve
Fear keeps us alert and keeps us alive
But fear out ignorance is dangerous,
Fear out of hoplessness leads to desperation and untold chaos can by all means sprout from that.
Courage and bravery meet fear in effect
But they have dark-sides
Fear keeps us withen the law
Bravery can allow anyone to do anything if they set there mind to it
legitamit or not.
Such are the usual pros and cons of human heart and mind.
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So yeah. I like and agree with the message of the poem, but I have some comments:
Fear doesn't always keep people within the law. I've heard recounts of people killing in the streets out of fear, of people doing horrible things to preserve themselves.
Meh. It says that fear may stop us from doing what is right, and that clashes with what you mentioned after--that fear keeps us within the law. How can fear make us to the wrong things if it also keeps us within the law?
OVERALL:
This is a pretty neat poem.
It needs some fixing up, but I like the message and the flow isn't bad. A bit choppy in places, but oh well. Some poems are meant to be like that.
Keep writing,
.:AYRA:.
Monument Soul,
You might start by asking yourself, "What makes this interesting in a way that might also be interesting to my readers/listeners?" The description here, the personification of fear, is a cartoon stereotype cut-out--nothing interesting or worth thinking about.
For a monologue, it's awfully short--no more than a minute, at most--and it generally fails at achieving the goals of a monologue (the primary goal being, obviously, to give your audience a character sketch, a portrait of someone).
In either case, monologue or poem, there isn't anything here worth saving in future edits.
Best,
Brad
Huh. Yeah, I thought this was very clever. I would never have written such a cool poem. Ok, let me tell you somethings you need to change.
"fear keeps us withen the law"
withen = within
Another thing that I think you need is capitals at the beginning of each new stanza. for example,
"Oh fear is great fear is strong
It may stop us from doing what's right or to do what is wrong"
It makes it easier to read.
Ok, let me show you what I think needs to be changed:
That is what it could look like in the end. Other than those things, this is really good. I liked it!
BBB